Hello @bw2,
Thank you for reaching out to the Community and telling us about this issue. I'm sorry to hear you're running into this problem. When you say the correct options are grayed out or missing, could you go into more detail? Usually, if its not giving you the option to link to a nickname in Quicken, its because that nickname is already connected to an account. If its not giving you the option to connect the account to any nickname in Quicken (showing Don't add to Quicken in the action column), that means it already thinks the account is connected and the nickname it shows is the one Quicken sees the account connected to (see sample image below).
Thank you.